BaKhabar, April 2010, Page-4

better light a candle than curse the darkness

Am I a Fool?

by Shakeel Ahmad

It had been a hot and humid day, quite unusual for a day of March. But, when times are bad, even nature brings forth its own version of challenges! I felt tired after a day spent in taking my normal classes and answering the abnormal questions of my students, at my university, and in a series of meetings, many of them unnecessary. As the sun was preparing to take rest, and turning pink, as if it was as tired as me, my mobile rang. “You are late, my dear, the children are waiting”, my wife’s loving voice at the other end was full of anticipation. I prayed to the Almighty, for blessing my family with patience and ability to cope with life, even without me. I always wondered why my wife does not get habituated of evenings spent alone, even after four years of marriage, and a 2 year old baby to play with! I reminded her, as usual, “Darling, as I told you this morning, I have a meeting with my colleagues of the Delhi chapter of Goodwill Foundation . This is a crucial one, as we need to decide on strategies to select the most deserving beneficiaries for BANEE scholarship. I would try to come as early as possible.” She was at least sure what “as early as possible” from me actually meant. Still full of anticipation, her voice was a combination of despair and sympathy, “Ok dear, but can you hear papa-papa, from your angel, Aamina? She is already growing impatient.”
I reached Jamia’s mosque just before maghrib. The wudu proved to be a real refresher for me, and washed away much of the day’s physical and mental stresses. Subhanallah! After the prayer, I sat outside on our usual bench under the mango tree, waiting for my colleagues to turn up. Six of them were expected to deliberate with me on the ways and means to make the exercise of selecting new beneficiaries of BANEE scholarship, coined as “Delhi 2010”, successful. The scale of success was not just the selection of the best possible beneficiaries, but also satisfying the guidelines prescribed by the moderators of the group. Although we were confident we knew the most deserving beneficiaries already, and there was no need to waste our time on publicizing the news to reach all the students of the university, forming a committee represented by the student community and the university’s faculty and staff, and so on … But, the group moderators would not trust the candidates recommended by us. They insisted that we follow the process, and select the beneficiaries only after every student has been informed through notices placed on all the notice boards. Our colleagues were as reluctant in going through this lengthy process as me, and were ready to violate the guidelines.

As the azaan (call for prayer) entered my ears, I realized it was Isha time already, and wondered how wasteful my wait had been since Maghrib. During this period, I had made calls to all of my colleagues. Three of them cited their inability to come, as they would be busy with other engagements, and asked to be excused for today. So, I was actually waiting for remaining three only, one of whom said he was on his way, while another one said he has just

started and would be reaching shortly. The third one was not taking the call, at all. First, I thought he must be praying, then I thought he must have left his mobile on silent, for maghrib prayer, and then forgot to switch to the normal mode. After an hour of frantic calls, I started worrying about him. Why is he not responding? Is he all right? God forbid, did he meet with an accident? Is he in the hospital? Thoughts wandered haywire, and my stress level kept on rising. Better sense prevailed as I told myself I must not call him anymore. Whenever he happens to see all these missed calls, he would definitely call me back. But, the call did not come, nor did the other two colleagues.
We had decided to pray together, here, in this masjid. That’s the reason why I was getting more and more frustrated waiting for my colleagues who were decent intellectuals, well known in the society for their benevolence and concern to promote Islamic values. I kept wondering if they really deserved those tags!!
I am sure my Isha prayer in the masjid would not have been accepted, as neither the wudu nor the prayers could bring me back to normal; my heart and mind, both, remained on the boil. I remained as upset as ever. I waited for another fifteen minutes, after Isha, made my last few attempts at knowing if my colleagues would turn up at all. When these calls went unanswered – this time calls to all the three colleagues went blank. I must have made at least four attempts to each of them. In order that I didn’t lose a chance of connecting with them, I disconnected at least three of my own calls from home. Finally, I decided to leave, feeling cheated, angry, frustrated, and hopeless.
As if all of this wasn’t enough, the moderator was on the line asking for an update on today’s meeting. I could not take it anymore, and screamed, “Big brother, I just cannot take it anymore.” I told him how I had waited for the colleagues, and how they had cheated me. I continued, “What do these guys think of me? Do they think I am a fool? Actually, I am. The time that I could have better spent with my beloved wife and with my angel daughter, I was forced to spend waiting for them. What do they think of themselves? How long they can continue to fool me this way? I cannot take all of this anymore. I have decided now, I cannot work for this social cause any longer.” Silence on both sides, for quite a few seconds, was as annoying as the wait for my colleagues, but I felt a lot better having vented my feelings out. Then the moderator’s voice finally became audible. He first assured me I could leave all of this any moment I wanted to, but requested me to give him an ear for the next two minutes. He recited Surah Fateha, then continued,
“Brother, the other day I experienced something similar. My friend had invited me to pray Asr with him in the new masjid he had got constructed in his locality. I reached there fifteen minutes before, called him but he did not respond. Even after the congregational prayer was over, he did not respond to my calls. I decided to call off my wait, after the congregational prayer for maghrib was over. I did

not feel cheated. On the contrary, I felt concerned for him, and decided to visit his home to check if he was fine. I did not feel cheated because another incident that happened during my university days was still fresh in my mind, and always will. I used to smoke, and having been brought up in a hostel of a Christian missionary school, all my life, did not use to pray at all. Waseem, a classmate of mine who was associated with Tablighee Jamaát used to persuade me all the time, and I felt annoyed. So, one day, I decided to teach him a lesson. I agreed to go to the masjid, to pray along with him. Wasted time on my cigarette and gossip, until the call for Iqamah, then pretended to move towards the washroom for wudu. As others, in wudu already, proceeded to pray, I returned to my hostel room. Waseem soon was in my room, telling me that he had waited for me, outside of the masjid, thinking I might have been praying the nawafil. I laughed at him, blew the smoke from my cigarette straight onto his face, made fun of him, giggling my heart out. I told him how easy it was to make a fool of him, the Tablighee idiots. He waited for me to stop, then asked me, coolly, if I really thought I made a fool of him.”

The moderator took a deep breath, sighed as if in repentance, then asked me, “Brother, who do you think was foolish that day?” I immediately responded, “Of course, you”. He was much quicker this time, “Indeed. Waseem invited me to a good, and he got its ajr (return) from Allah. I lost an opportunity to do good; in fact, I relinquished an obligatory act, and deposited some sin to my account. I cheated my colleagues, and I made fun of them. Some more sins, I earned. When I think of the act, I shiver with fear of hellfire, because I also behaved arrogantly. My arrogance was not only directed towards my colleague, but towards Allah as well. What a fool I made of myself?” He paused a little, as if he wanted me to speak, then continued, “Brother, how was the situation different for you, today? You invited your colleagues to share the ajr from the good deeds that all of you had planned to do, together. If they lost an opportunity, who turned out to be a fool? They earned some sins also, for their account of akhirah. Pray for their hidayah (blessings of the right path), and continue on the path of good you have chosen. Allah has blessed you with this opportunity, think of how you can maximize the benefits from it for your akhirah, by means of plannjng and executing it in the best ways, to fulfill this responsibility, and thank Allah for this excellent opportunity Allah has blessed you with.”

If he had not stopped speaking, I would have cried over the phone itself. But fortunately, he sought my permission to leave. I did cry, and cried a lot, in sajadah (prostration), asking Allah to forgive me for my unislamic thoughts and immature behavior. Allah proclaims throughout holy Quran that a believer’s faith is incomplete without good deeds; and those who get opportunities to do some good for others, and are able to exploit those opportunities, in a way that could please the Almighty, must feel blessed, and thank Allah.

Verily Man is in loss, Except those who believe, and do good deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy. [Quran, 103:1-3]

Email: bakhabar@biharanjuman.org