BaKhabar, November 2010, Page-7

better light a candle than curse the darkness

BaKhabar, Vol 3, Issue 11, November 2010

Emotional Intelligence, Muslims, and Eid Al Azha
[First Ten Days of Dhul Hijjah leads a Muslim towards perfection]

... anonymous

Here is a story .....
with a good message and moral which we all, I think must emulate and follow!

As King Haroun and Queen Zubayda were sitting in their palace one day, a fisherman who was selling fresh fish was brought in front of them. King Parveez decided to buy a fish and gave the fisherman 4000 dirham for it.

The fisherman was overjoyed. He thanked King Haroun and left.

Queen Zubayda turned to her husband in anger and scolded him for paying so much for a fish. King Haroun let her have her say but said that the fish was purchased and that there was nothing that could be done about it.

However, the Queen was adamant and insisted that the fisherman be brought back.

“We will ask the fisherman about the gender of the fish,” she said. “If he answers that it is female, we will say that we wanted a male fish and if his response is that it is male, we will say that we wanted a female fish! Either way, we will be able to return the fish and have our money back.”

So the poor fisherman was called back and was asked the question.

Fortunately, he was clever enough not to be caught out.
He replied, “The fish is neither male or female. It is eunuch (neutral).”

King Haroun was so impressed by the ingenuity of the man that he ordered a further 4000 dirham to be paid to him. The fisherman thanked the King again but as he was about to leave with the heavy bag of money, one of the coins fell onto the floor. The fisherman immediately bent down to look for the coin. Queen Zubayda was already upset that the fisherman had been given 8000 dirham.

“Look how miserly this man is!” the Queen exclaimed. “One coin has fallen out of his bag full of money and he searches for it instead of leaving it for some other poor servant to find.”

The man heard this remark and said, “O Queen, it is not out of miserliness that I search for the coin but rather because it had the picture of generous King Haroun on it. I would not tolerate anyone to cause dishonour to the King by treading on the coin.”

The King was so happy with this response that he immediately called for another 4000 dirham to be given to the fisherman. When Queen Zubayda saw all this, she thought it was better to hold her tongue and let the man go with the 12000 dirham before the King decided to increase the amount again.
(Lessons from Life)
Speech is an Art. If one knows what, when and how to talk then such a person will be successful in life.

“The beauty of man/Woman is in the clarity of his tongue”.
“Your tongue is the reflection of your intellect”.
In other words, a person’s intellect and wisdom is recognized through his speech.

Can Habits be changed?

Kaunain Shahidi*

HABITS are a funny thing. We reach for them mindlessly, setting our brains on auto-pilot and relaxing into the unconscious comfort of familiar routine. “Not choice, but habit rules the unreflecting herd,” William Wordsworth said in the 19th century.

We all know with our personal experiences of life that good habits are hard to develop but easy to live with while bad habits are easy to develop but hard to live with. And somebody has rightly said, “First we make our habits, and then our habits make us.”

We cannot claim to be perfect, no body actually. And I am sure we all carry some negative habits with us which are a limiting factor of our personality, if yes, then why can't we try to break that.

Here's an example of the process of how to change an unhealthy habit to a healthy one. Suppose you've decided that coffee is not good for you and right now, you drink coffee with sugar three times a day. The new habit you would like to institute is to drink herbal tea without sugar. At first, it may be challenging to break the bad habit of drinking coffee. You will have to use self-discipline for the first few weeks but gradually it will get easier. Once you are able to change the old habit to a new healthier one, it will serve you very well.

Here are five easy steps for changing your negative habits if any:

1. Awareness: You must become aware of your habits. What is this habit exactly? How is this bad habit or group of bad habits affecting you? How is this habit affecting others? For example, smoking always has negative effects on others as well as on you.

2. Wanting to Change: As someone with a health problem, you must decide that breaking bad habits through a conscious effort is a worthy goal. You must convince yourself that the change in the habit is worth the effort involved and you must develop an urge for that change.

3. Commitment: You must be determined to do whatever it takes for breaking bad habits so that you can better control your life. You make a decision that "no matter what" you will change the habit. You do the work required to stop. You must commit yourself through self talk.

4. Consistent Action: For achieving any goal consistency is the key. It is never wise to bring a change over night. Try to focus on changing just one habit at a time. Then, take consistent daily actions for breaking the bad habit that has been causing problems and take the actions to develop a new one.

5. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat: Now since you have started taking action, it is time to make your new habit almost automatic. And the only way to do it is by repeating and repeating and repeating. That’s because psychologists have shown that repeating a behavior over and over again means that it happens automatically or almost automatically. So, the great thing about repeating the behavior is that, eventually, you won’t really have to make yourself repeat it. The new behavior will just kind of happen on its own.

Do try to make an attempt by following the above five steps to take control of your life by taking control of your habits to get the most out of your life! Wish you good luck!

* a freelance writer, and motivator, based in KSA, can be reached at kaunaingayawi@gmail.com