View of Your City
Dates to Hijri
Missions in India
delaying marriage justified to pursue studies?
Nikah be a temporary solution?
Dr Imteyaz Ahmad Khan
I find the answer to this
question rather difficult . If I was in your shoes I would face the same
dilemma, I would have liked to have both my cake and eat it as well. I would be
keen to get my daughter married as soon as a nice appropriate rishta came but at
the same time I would like to her to complete her study without any impediment.
Basically in Islam one should get married as soon as it is possible to do so.
Hazrat Ali said that a Muslim shouldn't delay in performing three things i)
Namaz ( Salat) when the time begins ii) in getting married the girl when she
reaches adolescence iii) In funeral when Janaza is ready.
However in this day and age there are other practical considerations of great
importance and generally marriage does interfere in study where lot of swotting
and hard work is required.
let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste,
until Allah enriches them of His Bounty. And such of your slaves as seek a
writing (of emancipation), give them such writing, if you know that they are
good and trustworthy. And give them something yourselves out of the wealth of
Allah which He has bestowed upon you. And force not your maids to prostitution,
if they desire chastity, in order that you may make a gain in the (perishable)
goods of this worldly life. But if anyone compels them (to prostitution), then
after such compulsion, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to those women,
i.e. He will forgive them because they have been forced to do this evil action
unwillingly). [Quran, Surah An-Noor (chapter-24), Verse-33]
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On the other hand I
know some of my friend's children in UK got married while they were still
in 3rd and fourth year Medical school and their spouses successfully
compiled the study with remarkable success. In the end it all depends on
the individual how disciplined, determined . focussed, and ambitious they
I have a friend ( from Hyderabad ) in Los Angeles who is a world famous
professor of cancer. His wife was in the first year of Medical college
when he got married and came to UK with her in 1967 and then after FRCS
emigrated to USA. His wife went to complete her remaining 4years of MBBS (
remaining) after having four children and she is also in radiotherapy(
cancer t/t) in Los Angeles. But then they are a rare example of people
with tenacity prepared to work as hard as necessary to achieve the
ambition and reach the goal post. They are exceptions.
The other issue is about the time lag between Nikah and Rukhsati and union
between the spouses.
1. The marriage in Islam is the Nikah NOT Rukhsati which is a cultural
carry–over of the Indian subcontinent. Thus it is fundamentally wrong to
put restrictions on the degree and nature of contact between couples after
the Nikah has occurred. Any and all contact is permissible and healthy
whilst externally imposed restrictions can and does lead to problems. It
is unwise, unkind , unfair and Islamically unacceptable.
2. When consenting adults enter into a marriage contract they do so with
all the mutual rights and privileges to one another and no one should or
can say otherwise. Should either party not wish this then they should NOT
enter into this sacrosanct arrangement until they are ready to do so.
3. The position and relative importance of the Nikah and ‘Rukhsati’
have over time strangely adopted the respective positions of
‘engagement’ and ‘wedding’ in the West which is completely wrong.
It is felt if not said that husband and wife should not be together (at
any level) until the Rukhsati takes place. Tradition over our Islam. The
Nikah should not be viewed as a ‘deposit’ or downpayment’ to secure
an attractive Rishta
4. Conversely, there is no reason why given the particular circumstances
of the husband or wife, THEY as the consenting parties to this
arrangement, cannot choose the degree and extent of contact they maintain
at any stage of the marriage. Thus geography, work, education may mean
that for example they live apart initially or later, but it does not stop
(nor should it) them developing a relationship appropriate to that of a
married couple with trust, consideration, care, support and love for one
another through whatever means and opportunities they have available. Once
again for the health of the marriage, this should be their choice not that
of a third party where as well as it being forbidden can lead to
unnecessary strains and stresses at the very tender stages of a marriage.
My elder son Khalid
got married in February 2001 but due to some practical problem Rukhsati
was done in September. In the intervening (8 months gap) period they were
in contact with each other by phone, email and time to time he visited her
at her parent' house.