Bihar Anjuman believes in self-help rather than charity

Anti Dowry Movement

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Bihar Anjuman received TCN Organization of the Year Award, 2010, in New Delhi, on the 4th December 2010.

Messages about etiquettes of Islamic marriages

(a) Dr. I. A. Khan, UK (b) Sofia Nabi, UK, (c) Shabi Hashmi, UK, (d) K.W. Falahi, AMU

Useful Materials:

Video: Daughters Of Islam || All About Muslim Divorce || Muslim-Mushrik Marriages

Feedback || Delaying Marriage || Nikah || Marrying 1st Cousins || Marriage: Quranic Verses

Articles on Muslim Marriage & Married Life:

Click here to reach excellent collection of materials compiled by Bihar Anjuman

Click to download a free book by Azizah Yahia al-Hibri, An Introduction to Muslim Women's Rights

Dowry gives shivering thoughts to the parents of girls, not just among Muslims but among all the communities in India. It is becoming increasingly difficult for the girls' parents to find suitable grooms without dowry. The Islamic system prohibits any conditional marriage. According to Islamic system any marriage based on any sort of condition is not legal. Even our Indian civil law disallows dowry based marriage. Laws and rules apart, the reality is in stark contrast to what Islamic values or the civil codes dictate. Hence there is a need for a revolution at a much larger scale against the dowry system, in collaboration with all organizations and institutions that can directly or indirectly impact the movement. Our Anjuman has initiated one such anti-dowry movement and we are on way to tying-up with others so that we may get co-operation from all quarters. Insha-Allah, our plans will start yielding fruitful results pretty soon.
What is marriage of a Muslim all about? Click here to know.
We are of general view that dowry is a social evil plaguing the whole society irrespective of their religious dominion. Hence we will like to support and get support from any organization working towards the eradication of this social anathema. We believe together we can make a difference. Therefore we ask for co-operation from Madarsas, Mosques, NGOs, Temples, Community and Society heads.
......... Download many articles and books including "MUSLIM WOMEN’S RIGHTS IN THE GLOBAL VILLAGE: CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES", by Azizah Yahia al-Hibri by clicking here.
The above write-up clearly directs us towards the ideal marriage and dowry. Then why has it happened that now a days we have turned materialistic and always measure everyone with their financial status. Is it not against the teachings of the prophet Mohammad (saw)?  At the time of marriage, it has become customary that people look for the financial status of the bride's parents. Although it has been repeatedly commanded by the prophet that the religious understanding of the girl has to be given priority over all other factors. In fact according to Prophet Mohammad (saw), the religious understanding of the bride is everlasting and all other factors are bound to wane. Moreover, the ostentations and show-offs of the dowry from the affluent and educated members of the society has turned this marriage issue very complex and very difficult for the not so privileged members of the society. It is really a paradox considering that it is the responsibility of educated and affluent members of the society to free it from any social anathema. Dowry being a social anathema deserves greater attention from educated and affluent members of the society. It is a need of time that the educated and affluent members of the society come and work together to eliminate this social anathema.

The Anti-dowry Law:

IPC 498A. Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty

Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine.

Explanation- For the purpose of this section, "cruelty" means-

    (a) any wilful conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health (whether mental or physical) of the woman; or

    (b) harassment of the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable security or is on account of failure by her or any person related to her to meet such demand.]

The Wife: What does she mean to you?

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;

When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says:

"they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,

"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an,

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said

"the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said "I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you apart. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."

Copyright 2006 Bihar Anjuman